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watching lord of the rings w my friends and
“granddaddy gandalf”
“no, he’s grandalf”
&
“this movie just makes me want to play elden ring you know that right?”
“i want to elden my ring”
&
“it’s bilbo baggins!”
“no, it’s dildo baggins.”
“nah, it’s didlo haggins”
&
“i want gandalf to open my door”
&
“it’s jesus!”
“it’s cate blanchett”
“who’s to say cate blanchett isn’t jesus?”
&
“pretty lady with a sword!”
&
“I murder spiders on sight this is my punishment” - friend who is terrified of spiders
&
“i am no man” - the movie
“marry me!!”
&
((pippin has just found merry after the battle for gondor))
“kiss him! kiss him!! tell him that you love him!”
&
((Sam has just stabbed an orc to save Frodo))
“It’s Sting!”
“FRODO ITS YOUR LOVER!!”
&
“but what if sam just wants to make gardens? i’d let him”
&
“aww, gimli and legolas are besties”
&
“yo, frodo just actually needs to go outside and touch some grass”
“he’s already outside he just needs to touch some grass”
&
“no this is perfect sam is like ‘i’m so gay for you’ and frodo’s like ‘i’m actually asexual but thank you’”
“… anyways now kiss”
&
“ORLAAANDO BLOOM”
“orlando blooom”
“i want him to look at me like that”
&
((frodo just woke up))
“imagine if random characters from pirates of the caribbean walked in”
“no no no imagine voldemort just fuckin walks through the door-”
&
((gandalf places crown on aragorn))
“ GRYFFINDOR”
&
“AWW THEY KISSED ON THE MOUTH! IN PUBLIC!”
“I would let him (aragorn) lick my teeth”
&
“why are hobbits so frikin hot?”
&
((elf says something in elvish))
“shut the fuck up i don’t speak french”
&
“how can you call this movie a masterpiece when no men kiss each other on the mouth?”
“straight people are still valid”
“no”
&
“NIPPLE DOORS”
It’s hour 23. The doctor is outside your house. You take a bite of an apple. The doctor sighs and walks away. You watch them walk all the way to the hospital. You have no clue how you can see so far. It’s because of the apple.