Its The Neurodivergency - Blog Posts

Here are a few back to back. I will section them. These were written within the past 3 months. Pls be forgiving if there are errors. These were written in my notes app initially.

The Lamb

There was a blind lamb

That screamed and wailed for it's mother

For three days

For three nights

The lamb continued to wail with its eyes wide open

Scanning the endless night frantically

Unaware that it's calls were being answered by an empty, motionless field

Rather than who it needed

Monster in the Closet

I have always been afraid of the dark

I require a dimly lit, slowly overheating lamp to sleep

As late into the evening a monster stands in my doorway

It's back long and unending

Spikes stick out every angle of its head

It stands in semi-silence

Staring

I feel it's eyes upon me as I rest

In naught but a shirt

But my peripheral tells me that there is no monster

Just my mother, getting home from work

You Should Have Called Out

I made myself look pretty today

Just because you told me to

I did my hair, my makeup, ans a nice outfit

All before it was time to go

The only thing I hadn't done was greeted u when you arrived

Because you hadn't

Not yet at least

I sat on my bed with a wrinkle free comforter

But then it had been a while so I laid down

But when I woke up I was still alone and fully dressed

I couldn't smell my perfume anymore and my shirt was wrinkled

But I still waited

And fell asleep again, hungry

The Inability to Read Between the Lines

I'm sorry for whatever I have done to annoy you today

For talking to you too much

For speaking too loudly

For not being born a boy

I'm sorry mommy please don't yell at me

All I wanted was a hug

You won't look my way otherwise

So csn I have my hug?

How much more must I do before I am forgiven of the sins I've never been aware of?

How much longer must I wait on my knees for your judgment, mother?

What is so wrong with me that you csnt bear to even speak of it

the restaurant I’m in has the tv on full volume and also music at the same time so obviously I’m on the verge of homocide

Me whenever people be talking about dumb shit at work, like bitch I DON"T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT YOUR LIFE, GO AWAY, then I calm down and feel a little bad, ONLY a little though

my stupid a*s 😂

I find it so fucking funny how I've managed to amass a friend group of nearly all neurodivergents. Like-

There are about 3 people in it that have no chance of getting into the grippy sock vacation.

And the other 17?

Well.

There were about 10 of us going to Home Depot cause we're helping one of our group to get stuff for their new deck and just. We're in the outdoor garden part and one of my friends just slaps my arm and points at 2 crows and the only word that leaves their mouth is

"Crow"

I turned and saw the crows and just even louder stated "CROW" and everyone in our group just turned and stared bug eyed at the crows in pure silence for a solid 5 seconds before another friend piped up and said

"Those are some nice birbs."

And we all nodded and mumbled our collective agreement.

Just stepped inside the freezer because of aggressive intrusive thoughts.

Living Dead Girl! 🧟‍♀️🧠

Adoptive daughters and their adoptive father

Growing up is realizing that, as a neurodivergent or disabled person, you'll always have to assume certain actions as mistakes, even if they were caused by your condition(s).

Whether you have some control over it or not, it doesn't really matter most times. If you try to justify it, people will tell you you use your condition(s) as an excuse for everything.

They want you to adapt yourself to their world and often they don't realize they're being ableistic.

But they are.

We constantly have to change ourselves, because the world won't change for us, while they get a chance to be themselves out there.

It isn't fair, but it's the way of the world, I suppose.

It was made by neurotypicals, for neurotypicals.

By able-bodied, for able-bodied.

"The actor did really well, we can almost feel what it is like to live as an autistic."

Right... And I definitely don't know what that's like...

(I'm in, guys; they haven't caught me yet)

Autistics of Tumblr, what is your favorite or most random vocal stim?

I used to say "Eren Jaeger" in a deep voice whenever I saw a bird.

The autistic mood of knowing you should ask questions back to people but only remembering hours/days after and wondering if they felt hurt or upset because of it.

Don’t you hate it when you forget to take your medicine that’s supposed to help you not forget to take it? - my dad after asking me why i didn’t ask to take an immediate release (A version of my ADHD meds) and I said “Oh! I forgot about them!”

do you all ever miss one of your old daydreams and the characters that it had? it feels like a old movie or book that i once watched or read. Sometimes like friends that i used to hang out with.

I really miss one of my daydreams now and i wish i could watch it all over again. That was one of my favourite. I even have some of the dialogues written in my notes and a drawing.

The best part of being authentic is that there is no image to maintain. You will delight some and disturb others, and none of it will concern the truth of your being.

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me