朝夜

i have never been a religious person but i have a silly habit — ever since i was younger, i would make a wish everytime i saw angel numbers.

"god above, please cure my tummy ache!"

"god, above, please let me ace this test tomorrow! i won't ask for anything else!"

my wishes are usually just whatever i needed in the moment; no more than childish whispers that i utter to myself, even if just to feel a little bit of hope.

you know? i saw an angel number today as well, but this time, the one i called out for, was you. neither the gods nor buddha but you, instinctively.

ah, before i even knew it, you became my god and my only wish. isn't that so silly?

mermaid prince of the sea,

i hear your giggles echo,

as you swim around in circles around my sinking form,

oh, my pearl, if only you wouldn't tease me so.

me who drowns in an ocean of affection for you,

and you who relishes in my foolishness;

my gaze that only rests upon you,

and yours that looks upon the entirety of this endless blue,

our worlds may never truly collide,

but as long as the sound of your laughter continues to ring in my ears,

as long as the smile never slips from your mouth,

let me drown for you.

no matter what language i try, the words i want to tell you never seem to sound the same when i sit to write them down.

"i'm sorry for keeping you at arm's length still."

"please let me stay by your side forever."

but no matter how fancy of words i use; none of it is what i have been truly longing to say.

"i won't think of him anymore," you say, and yet, still paint your nails blue,

all because he picked it out for you once.

selflessly, you pray for his happiness.

selfishly, you yearn to be part of it.

"i have no right to fall in love with him," you say, and yet, your nails are still tainted blue.

「これ以上考えないよ！」って言うキミは、それでもネイルを青に染まる

遥昔彼が選んでくれた色からこそ

無私に彼の幸せを願うキミは

虫がいいにその幸せの一ぶんになりたい

「あの人を愛する資格がないよ」って言うキミ

ネイルはまだ青のまま

"i won't think of him anymore," you say, and yet, still paint your nails blue,

all because he picked it out for you once.

selflessly, you pray for his happiness.

selfishly, you yearn to be part of it.

"i have no right to fall in love with him," you say, and yet, your nails are still tainted blue.

遥か遠い別の世界に

空はまだ青

そして私は人間

生きてた刻も死でる間にも

資格も持たざに

キミばっかを考えた私は

最悪だよね？

永くこの病院の窓から

外を見てきた私は気づきました

雲は晴れず

空はずっと灰色のままです

時々時雨さらふって来る

いつも笑顔している皆の目

本当はかなしい

この病院を見つづきていた私には

途中な気づきが来ました

もう時間がないって