Latest Posts by windowskillme - Page 2

last night I sang ethel cain on top of a conex with my cousins with the only light coming from the moon. I'm winning at life

yah obviously I wasn’t fucking stupid enough to think that marvel n the homophobic rat were actually going to let steve and bucky hold hands but I was dumb enough to think that after the whole ‘til the end of the line’ ‘no not without you’ ‘inseparable’ ‘even when I had nothing I had bucky’ ‘steve drops his shield twice for bucky and his voice breaks thru 70 years of brainwashing’ thing they’d let them, you know, at least live in the same century. my bad

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and im losing sense of time

a writing competition i was going to participate in again this year has announced that they now allow AI generated content to be submitted

their reasoning being that "we couldn't ban it even if we wanted to, every writer already uses it anyway"

"Every writer"?

come on

“ships should at least make sense.” no. ships can make sense, sure. but they’re just fictional characters we play with for fun. they’re fantasies, not a fucking thesis paper. so no, they don’t always have to make sense. they just have to make you happy (or horny).

let people enjoy (fictional) things however they want to enjoy.

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

"If you use em dash in your works, it makes them look AI generated. No real human uses em dash."

Imaging thinking actual human writers are Not Real because they use... professional writing in their works.

Imagine thinking millions of people who have been using em dash way before AI becomes a thing are all robots.

REBLOG IF YOU'RE A HUMAN AND YOU USE EM DASH

absolutely love abusing the power that comes with 3rd person limited pov and just ignoring things and being vague sometimes. does the character know all the details? no? then I don't have to either.

if u have my voodoo doll can u fuck it

me impatiently to the little french cat boiling me in a stew: chat am I cooked

saw a clip again of hayden saying sometimes she thinks about brutalist architecture during sex and i cannot stop thinking about one of the comments that said “i need to see her hear me out cake”

I feel weird because there’s so much happening in the MCU rn and the avengers aren’t there anymore. Like what do you mean there’s no more Steve Rogers ? Where’s Natasha ? What’s gonna happen to Clint ? and Bruce ? And Thor who’s gonna be so alone ?

I can’t believe Reed Richards is never gonna meet Tony Stark because he’s dead.

They’re dead and nothing happened.

Like we had two avengers movies before civil war, before they just broke up and everything started falling apart.

Two movies, it’s nothing.

We saw them as friends, as a family, as a team for one movie. A single movie.

It’s not enough. It was nothing. So much potential and they’re just gone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love marvel movies, still do. I love our Captain America, I love Yelena and I think she’s going to be an amazing black widow and ofc I love Riri Williams and I loved her for years but I miss my avengers, I miss how different and fun and sad they were. I miss my team and I wish we had more of them.

I’ll stick to fanfiction and reread comics ofc but it’ll never be the same.

I wish they did more. I wish they were the found family we needed and I’m forever disappointed that they weren’t.

It ended too fast.

I’m watching the Thunderbolts trailer and the tower is empty. There’s no one there anymore as if they were never there before.

It breaks my heart it truly does.

I miss them, they deserved to be a family more than anything ❤️

you don't "hate kids," you hate being forced into a caretaking role.

you don't "hate kids," you hate censorship passed off as family values.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the constrictiveness of the nuclear family.

you don't "hate kids," you're just not used to occupying fully age diverse spaces so you're not used to the noise or the many different kinds of needs.

you don't "hate kids," most public spaces just aren't built for kids, and so the few kids you see are always uncomfortable and distressed.

you don't "hate kids," you hate the intense social rules assigned to kids and anyone who interacts with kids.

You don't "hate kids," you hate how society reproduces its most restrictive elements and how kids are powerless to resist it.

i can’t wait for when chatGPT and ai image generation also crashes and each prompt cost $50 an attempt. oh you can’t get your stolen big tiddy anime ghibli art for free anymore? you want to buy real big boy art from real artists now? beg for it. beg for it like a dog.

What a time to be alive in

I lied, put your clothes back on, I want to talk about the cinematic, storytelling beauty of the music of Hayden Anhedönia through the life of Ethel Cain, Willoughby Tucker, the story of Preachers Daughter, Dust Bowl and Powerlines Valleys, every single song on Golden age and Inbred in crushing detail and how all of it connects to different societal and cultural frameworks for the next several hours.

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

reblog if you think aros and aces (or anyone on the aroace spectrum) are queer

trying to prove something to my mother ^^

Pillars of Simulacrum, and Simulacrum

Ethel Cain

Annotations of the pillars in Pulldrone and 'simulacrum'.

I: Apathy

I am that I am, and I am nothing

The great dark is reality, the world, the place of realization and truth; The ever acknowledgement of one's unworthiness—away from the distraction of divine theater.

II: Disruption

There goes a great shudder through the muscle, a shimmering of bells through the mist.

The great shudder—the great discovery of divine theater, universal for mortals.

A shimmering of bells, represents heartbeat through the mist—confusion, tension and sweat.

Such sensation is strange to the inexperienced, they may find themselves wandering through a mist—with bells (heartbeats) signalling the unknown.

III: Curiosity

One quick moment to crane the neck

A universal gesture for mortals upon facing the unknown.

“I have always possessed the insatiable need to see what happens inside the room”

Every mortal has always had curiosity, living in the great dark—a place of apathy, everyone is quick to wonder what happens in the doors of unknown, like that of Pandora—the first female mortal; it simply is in every mortal's nature.

IV: Assimilation

Lo! Wellspring of knowledge, of feeling, of sensation. Beauty—overwhelming.

I will dislocate my jaw to fit it all in.

They obtain knowledge of divine theater, however only with closed eyes; They only acknowledge it through sensation and feeling—still truly oblivious of it.

Their determination to risk a part of themself is rooted from their lust and greed.

To dislocate one's jaw to fit more, symbolizes the attempt to break physical limits.

Similar to the lyrics in Amber Waves, "And pretend at the chain link that I am the wood." As Hayden has said, it means to pretend that you can be more than your physical limits.

V: Aggrandization

The pull. Yes, the pull.

The narrator has to confirm that it is the pull that they are calling to, as the pull is part of something complicated and is not found visually nor it is physically present.

Send down your cordage of suffocation and let me in.

Possibly a reference to the fairy tale, Rapunzel; One can aggrandize themself and demand the pull to escort them—they represent Mother Gothel, who has no real authority over Rapunzel, yet demands her of such things as if Rapunzel is hers.

Death (cordage) is seen as a portal that can bring you somewhere else other than the great dark, hinting the pull is a practice that can slowly annihilate (suffocate).

Pain is proof of life, life is not forever euphoria unlike the divine theater; Mortals can prefer a state where they don't know if they are alive, as being euphoric is not being very conscious of everything, only sensation.

VI: Delineation

I want to know what god knows and I will be with him.

The desire to become one with god.

To delineate is to portray something precisely, however no one can portray god as it is unknown. Mortals may pretend to know or fully understand god, so they have the confidence to portray it.

The narrator addresses god with masculine pronouns—him, but Hayden has said that god's pronoun is 'it', as god is not a being nor does it have gendered pronouns. From that, It is obvious that the narrator doesn't know god.

Sent over the edge, I sigh.

Flush against the veil, I sing.

With the desire of becoming one with god, they are sent to proximity to it but flushed against its presence later. When it has been proven to them that they cannot cross the veil, they sing—a metaphor for crying.

VII: Perversion?

The word 'perversion' is pronounced in a distorted voice and it sounds as if it is questioning. God does not understand perversion, as it is only mortals with flesh who can feel it; It is not understood until it is felt.

It is no good, bearing false witness; The sinner's errand.

It is to lie—to pretend that you are not an audience or witness of the divine theater, it is pointless.

I am what I am–

God knows itself; it is not amongst mortals, as it cannot understand perversion that only mortals possess and know.

–,but we are not the same.

God somewhat understands all the pillars of simulacrum, except perversion. It expresses its difference upon mortals—'we are not the same'

It is no good, speaking of fairness; The fool's errand.

It is pointless to justify sin or try to reason.

Similar to this lyric Punish, "I was an angel but they made me leave" The narrator is righteous of their sin, they reason falsely.

Also a good example is this lyric in Mitski's song, Bug Like An Angel: “I try to remember that the wrath of the devil was also given him by god.” In order to feel less bad of oneself, some may consider evil as just a product or manifestation of environment, justifying their sin because of trauma and pain they've felt from their life.

VII: Resentment

Are these laurels to be proud of?

One can be incapable of appreciating success when they possess greed.

Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live. Hate. Hate.

A quotation referencing to the book, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, the AI antagonist has many capabilities and success of annihilating humans but at the end of the day is still AI, unable to feel what humans could—it symbolizes the limits of mortals, having many experiences of divine theater but will never feel what god feels; Mortals can hate their limitation.

The second pronunciation of 'hate' is distorted, representing madness and corruption. It could also be representing Am's voice—the AI antagonist in I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream.

IX: Separation

I was an angel, though plummeting.

One could claim themself an angel, but they can plummet.

The stars are as beams, shining through the wheel. I am sure that hell must be cold.

They are now certain of their sins and the consequences of it; They know what layer of hell they will descend in—the ninth layer, where Cocytus or the frozen lake exists.

X: Degredation

Nature chews on me

(I have made a detailed post about this, check it out) They feel as though nature chews on them, in a way that reality hurts them; They are not in any distractions as they are now descending from the divine theater. The truth is hurtful to most mortals. To degrade oneself is to accept truth.

XI: Annihilation

This agony, such is the consequence of audience.

Punishment is a manifestation of your own doing, it can be in different forms, it includes shame and guilt; The narrator feels the agony of their punishment.

They realize it is the consequence of witnessing the divine theater; It had led to their fall.

I will claw my way back to the great dark and we will not speak of this place again.

They swear to never enter the divine theater, or commit sin ever again. The pursuit of the divine theater is not sin, but it can be; The narrator has transformed their divine theater into a medium of sin over time.

XII: Desolation

The state of emptiness and obseleteness.

Therein lies sacred geometry of onanism, of ouroboros, of punishment.

Onanism is a made up word of Hayden. From my research, it is interpreted as the practice of m4sturbation.

Ouroboros is an ancient symbol of a snake eating itself—a symbol for cycle. It eating itself, symbolizes the cycle of greed; harming and destroying parts oneself like that in the pillar of assimilation, I will dislocate my jaw to fit it all in—they destroy themself to consume.

Punishment is the consequence of one's wrong doing.

All of which are described as a geometry; It is a complicated phenomenon, a cycle that repeats—occurring in everybody.

I am that I was, as I no longer am, for I am nothing.

Like the pillar of apathy, this perspective is in the great dark; Both deeming itself as 'nothing' but in the twelfth pillar, it might now mean a more literal nothing: death.

Simulacrum

Interpretation based on Hayden Anhedonia and Jean Baudrillard's ideologies.

Definition:

an image or representation of someone or something that replaces reality

The image of one, that replaces them; Their sins and doings are the simulacrum of their character, until it becomes hollow—their image or simulacrum becomes their true self. If mortals feed on their perversion, it could become what they only will be—a pervert and lose their real self; a mere outline that replaces complicated reality.

A simulacrum can be hollow, where a fake representation does not have a real copy. The Ring, The Great Dark, The Divine Theater and the Pillars of Simulacrum starts off as a made up representation or image from Hayden and Baudrillard, they are simulacrums, but of reality that is not exact—they create their own reality.

“I've tried so hard to explain it in words, what it meant to me.” lyrics from Houseofpsychoticwomn.

Hayden has made her own hollow simulacrums, the ring and her song lyrics, such as Onanism and Thatorchia—words made up to represent something with no exact reality or real copy.

@mothercain

It's happening to everybody.

Tonight House Republicans voted 217 to 215 for a budget that'll take $1 TRILLION dollars from Medicaid, attack food benefits for kids, hurt seniors and vets.

but I don't want to talk about that, I want to talk about these two Democratic members of Congress you've never ever heard of.

Democrats, Congressman Kevin Mullin of California and Congresswoman Brittany Pettersen of Colorado.

Congressman Mullin had knee surgery that didn't go well, two surgeries, a life threatening blood clot and a week long stay in the hospital, and the moment he was discharged from the hospital he got on a five hour flight to DC to vote against the Republicans evil budget, using a walker to get to the floor of the House

Congresswoman Pettersen gave birth to her son Sam, in the picture, exactly one month ago on January 25th. They flew from Colorado to DC after Republicans refused to allow her to vote by proxy after having a baby. Congresswoman Pettersen took Sam onto the floor of the House to vote to protect the Health care of 400,000 Colorado kids.

why talk about this? because so much of the conversion is about telling people there's no one good, no one worthy, no one fighting. I promise you there are people undergoing personal hardship to do the right thing.

i think ptolomaea by ethel cain is one of the most brilliantly crafted songs i’ve ever listened to.

the way it opens with this distorted deeper voice (isaiah) and you hear the sound of flies buzzing in the background underneath the voice, thats such a cool detail. and while isaiah is singing, you hear ethel incoherently mumble (you literally hear her say “mama?” its so 😭😭) as she’s waking up from the drugs. when we finally hear her voice, it’s high pitched, raw, and vulnerable. because of how vulnerable of a situation she is in, but she doesn’t realize it yet because of the drugs she’s on. so this whole beginning is echoey and it captures the whole aloneness she’s feeling.

and then we get a beat drop at “even the iron still fears the rot,” where the instrumentals are a little heavier, her voice is still high and raw but there’s a sense of knowing in it. (“hiding from something, i cannot stop. walking on shadows, i cant lead him back”) as her hallucinations and the drugs start to wear off, she’s facing this darkness that’s been eating away at her with “daddy’s left and mama won’t come home,” which is something she rarely comes to terms with.

then we get that dark distorted voice again saying “you poor thing, sweet morning lamb. there’s nothing you can do, it’s already been done,” which is incredibly terrifying. not to mention that deafening crash of the drums, god the way those drums thunder so intensely like you can feel the dread in your bones. and then we hear ethel’s voice again saying “what fear a man like you brings upon a woman like me? please dont look at me..” which refers to when isaiah tells her to “show me your face,” during that line. and she’s pleading for him to stop looking at him, you can’t hear it because it’s in the background but he says “come here,” and right after you hear ethel say “i can see it in your eyes, tell me, what have you done?” which then goes into a sea of begs and pleas for him to “stop, stop” until the final “stop” is not sung, but instead a bone chilling shrill shriek. which is cut off by “i am the face of love’s rage.” and if you listen to the acapella, during “i am the face of love’s rage,” right underneath that main vocal, you hear a second high pitched scream, you hear bundles “no’s” and even a “no! please!” which i think ties the story really well together.

in the acapella, while “blessed be the daughters of cain,” is being read out, you can hear the gargling and choking noises as ethel is struggling to breathe and as she’s literally dying its really sickening but so well executed from an artist perspective. and then at the very very end, you hear a death rattle like that is INSANE

i love ptolomaea, i love how the instrumentals create such a unique atmosphere that makes it as terrifying as it sounds and how hayden uses her voice in different ways to tell the story effectively. and it works, it all works.

ptolomaea is the best song on preacher’s daughter thank you for coming to my ted talk

Ethel Cain sketch

no matter what your most embarrassing moment in life is, at least it’s not having fucking chat gpt write fanfic for you bc you’re too lazy to do it yourself

and I always wondered if it would come back and love me the way it said it was supposed to

but maybe it lied

maybe it was all a lie.

{ pulldrone, perverts, housofpsychoticwomn}