Adam: I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Men.

Steve and Tony reuniting in Avengers 4;

Steve: It's been a long tim-

Tony: Shut up asshole. I just lost my futer husband and my son.

Steve: I'm so sorr-

Tony: Are you trying to tell me I'm a bad mother?

Steve: No I-

Tony: I AM THE BEST FUCKING MOTHER IN EXISTANCE FUCKING WATCH ME KILLING THANOS FOR TAKING MY FAMILY!!!

I still don't get how the whole "Shut up" "Make me." conversation is supposed to be sexual?

I always thought they would start a fist fight not a make out session?

Lance:*acts like he just woke up* Oh sorry, I probably fell asleep while I was waiting for you to make me a sandwich.

Keith: Go back to sleep, and starve.

Peter: Hi

[Everyone’s ready to attack him]

Peter: Whoa, whoa, guys I’m a hero too!

Quill: What kind of hero are you?

Thor: Do you have a magic hammer?

Peter: No

Strange: Magic hands?

Peter: No

Captain America: Are you a world war 2 veteran that got genetic modified?

Peter: No

Bucky: Do you have a metal arm?

Peter: No

Loki: a god?

Peter: No

Tony: Kidnapped or enslaved?

Peter: No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?

Just because the show is over doesn't mean I'm over it

I don't drink coffee because it tastes good. I drink it so I don't fall asleep because I'm tiRED OF ALL THAT BULLSHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH

Me: *has phone phobia*

My parents: You're on phone duty.

Me:

same same same same same same

Sitting while another person is in the room with me is so awkward, like what do I do? Do I stand up? Do I get something to drink? Do I drink? Do I walk somewhere? Do I look at that picture? Do I start a conversation? Am I awkward? Literally all I do and wanna do is sit there

[when roger locked himself in a cupboard when they refused to put I’m in love with my car on the b-side of bo rhap]

Freddie, banging on the door: Roger, come out!

Roger: I’m gay!

Freddie: not what I meant, but I still support you!