I Write This With

Migraine aura + Splitting/ Spiraling = Fucked

The cold and the void have made me into a deadly concoction of shivering mess.

You are just a fragment of my imagination

it feels insulting to cry out loud

when some have loved and lost you

and I've only lost.

The bone chilling winter comes after my soul

as I run through the slippery woods

plummeting inside the abyss.

Time to go underground and push everyone away after an overwhelming weekend.

Fighting with your own mind for as basic thing as eating, is so fucked up and brutally sad.

Anger bursts inside of me as fire crackers under the moonlight, with a cackle first and then a battle cry.

but being numb/feeling empty is a whole another level of worse.

sometimes the emotions get so intense that i'd rather be numb.

Just dissociating after crying and spiralling for losing a bunch of hair, courtesy of my antidepressant and lack of self care. Enough living for today.

kinda wanna leave. kinda wanna ghost everyone. kinda wanna rot under a blanket. kinda wanna feel loved. kinda wanna feel wanted. kinda wanna